This is what has upset me:
Jk’s helpy-helpertonitis led her to make a commitment that affected the rest of us, without first checking with the rest of us to find out how willing we were to participate in said commitment.
The result was a bout of stressed-outness that caused me to miss my ‘morning’ Qigong (due to presence of a big black hairy 3-legged slobbering dog whining piteously on the patio where I like to get my daily dose of relaxed and peaceful fresh air and sunshine while doing Qigong exercises with my kitties relaxing and enjoying the sunshine all around me, who were instead hunched warily in front of their locked kitty door with the freedom to make their own decision about staying or going removed from their list of options.)
This is how it went down:
At about 7:30AM JK came down, locked the kitty door and proceeded to walk in and out of the back screen door, which is basically located at the foot of my bed, while talking to somebody on the phone. At about 10:30 Des woke me up by storming out of her room and slamming shut the wooden door which is in front of the screen door which is basically at the foot of my bed, which I had left open for fresh air circulation while I slept. She ignored me when I asked her why. When I heard the whining dog and the feet tromping back and forth and here and there and around and around upstairs I understood.
It didn’t occur to me to wonder why she would need to close the door though, because at that point I thought JK was probably ‘dogsitting’ Noelani’s and Robert’s cute little puppy dog and had him locked up in Noelani’s room. I was wrong, but didn’t find that out until about noon when I was again awakened, this time by JK who tromped down to wake me up and fling a bunch of stressed out energy at me, stomping off before I could even figure out what the hell she was going on about, leaving a trail of disturbed airwaves in her wake.
Well, I wasn’t going back to sleep this time, and it was an hour and a half before I had planned on getting out of bed. So I got up and that was when I found out we had a prisoner in our backyard… and it wasn’t a cute little puppy dog. The situation called for a big cup of sweet, creamy yerba mate and a steady stream of cigarettes (to help me deal with all this unwanted mental energy I was grappling with), and since swimming does not go well with caffeine and nicotine in my system either, I missed a day at the hot tub and pool as well.
Then came Noelani and Robert – with the intention of sitting on the patio with the dogs to do their homework… while my kitties and I sat locked up inside? I don’t think so. I expressed my extreme displeasure with that arrangement. Which boiled down to my flinging a bunch of stressed out energy in their ‘sweet little faces’.
The is how it turned out:
Since the kids didn’t want to do something that was so distressing to me they did not use the patio, and since I could not easily and comfortably do Qigong after indulging in caffeine and nicotine I did not use the patio, therefore the patio sat all by it’s lonesome self while the sun was shining gaily. Now it’s all dark and gloomy out there.
But as unwelcome as that wake-up call was it was exactly that… a wake-up call. First of all, it helped me see that my Qigong practice was on it’s way to becoming something I have to do in order to check it off on my ‘absolutely have to-do-or-I’m-a no-good-rotten-failure-and-If-I-don’t-get-my-shit-together-I’m-going-to-die-that-way’ list.
It helped me realize that I don’t HAVE to do Qigong for 100 days in a row, at the same time each day without missing a day, I don’t have to do it for 49 days at the same time each day without missing a day, just because some guy in China said I should. An inflexible routine performed by rote is not the objective (although I am looking forward to the improvement in my physical well-being that will surely be present after a few months of regular practice.)
Rather, the reason I do Qigong is to promote relaxation and lithe physical expression of free-flowing energy. It is not promoting free-flowing flexibility if I have to go against the flow to accomplish it. I do it because it’s fun and it feels good, it gives me an excuse to be outdoors breathing deeply in the fresh air.
Next, this morning’s wake-up call delivered a perfectly clear illustration of how the decisions that people make while under stress do not always work out to be in their best interests, or anyone else’s for that matter… it seems to result in a lose/lose situation. And now I know that the best decision I can make while feeling stressed is the decision to find comfort and ease first, then decide whatever else it is I need to decide.
Further, I realized that my default reaction to stress is ‘blame shame and regret’ and on closer inspection I see that that’s actually a pretty good indicator of my dominant vibration. And what that means is that, if I want my default setting to be ‘comfort and ease’ then I have to deliberately, diligently, and determinedly practice the feeling of comfort and ease. What a job of work. Hahahahaha!
All in all the situation provided me with a dose of sparkling clarity that has really helped me fine tune my focus. Additionally, now that everybody knows I do Qigong on the patio between 1 and 2, and that my kitties like to join me, this will not likely be a recurring situation.
Plus, Robert brought me down a couple of sticky, aromatic buds hoping it would make me feel better. It did. But I had already started moving in that direction on my own, so the weed was just a bonus.